THE RULES OF RURAL MICHIGAN ARE
> AS FOLLOWS:
>
> 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an
> idiot.
>
>
>
> 2. Turn your cap
> right, your head isn't
> crooked.
>
>
>
> 3. Let's get
> this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I
> drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow
> you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
> Drive it or get out of the way.
>
>
>
> 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's
> why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to
> Michigan farmers. Get over it. Don't like it? I-94
> goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick
> one.
>
>
>
>
> 5. So you have a
> $60,000 car. We're impressed. Grain farmers have
> $350,000 combines that they drive only 3 weeks a
> year.
>
>
>
>
> 6. So every person
> in rural Michigan waves. It's called being friendly.
> Try to understand the concept.
>
>
>
> 7. If that cell
> phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,
> we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
> don't have it up to your ear at the
> time.
>
>
>
> 8. Yeah, we eat
> taters, gravy, beans and cornbread. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at Jim's bait
> shop..
>
>
>
> 9. The
> 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
> It's religious holiday held on the 15th of
> November.
>
>
>
>
> 10. We open doors
> for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
> age.
>
>
> 11. No,
> there's no 'vegetarian
> special' on the menu. Order
> steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off
> the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
>
>
>
> 12. When we fill
> out a table, there are three main dishes:
> meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings -
> salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care
> what you folks in Detroit call that stuff you eat .... IT
> AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
>
>
>
>
> 13. You bring
> 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
> served over ice.
>
>
> 14. You bring
> 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be homegrown,
> cute, knows how to shoot, drive a truck, and she better have
> long hair..
>
>
>
> 15.
> College and high school
> football/basketball are as important here as the Lions and
> the Pistons .... and more fun to watch.
>
>
>
> 16. Yeah, we have
> golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
> it spooks the
> fish.
>
>
>
>
> 17. Colleges? We
> have them all. We have State Universities ,
> Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. Folks come
> outta there with an education plus a love for God and
> country, and they still wave at everybody when they
> come for the holidays..
>
>
>
> 18.Turn down that
> blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap
> ain't music, anyway.. We don't want to hear it
> anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to
> #1.
>
>
>
> 19. Four inches of
> snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in
> it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our
> bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
> ain't Alaska . Worst case
> you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The
> pickups with snowplows will have you out the next
> day.
>
>
>
> 20. By the way....
> if you want to talk to God in Michigan, it's a local
> call.
number 21 anyone?
rule # 21 which is my #1 for living in the country.
Anything that comes on my property that I dont like...I can shoot it! ;)
22. What do you mean? Don't all gas stations sell hunting and fishing licenses, bait, bullets, and shotgun shells?
23. The list of important phone numbers include the hardware store and the grain elevator.
#19 move out of the way of my plow. I have been plowing yuppie driveways for 12 hours, and the 8th cup of coffee just wore off. I will put you in the ditch.
#24 We don't slam on the brakes and swerve the vehicle almost taking out 3 mailboxes and two other vehicles just because a squirrel ran across the road. And yes, 6 squirrels do make a decent stew.
#25 yes those amish buggies have just as much right on the road as you. i'm from nappanee -home of Amish Acres and proud of it. your brain size shows in the fit of your droopy drawers. get outside and enjoy the sun and get away from that stupid x-box. you look as white as a ghost and it'll be spring soon