Health Care Reform needs to be extended to Veterinarians

[Dan]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

[TimH]

Nicely done Dan!
Not to turn this thread into a animal joke section, but I just got this joke sent to me in an email this morning and figured most guys on this site would appreciate it,

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f*&%$#@ ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

[bigmojet]

Nice on both.

[Lightningboy]

Stanley decides he needs a new retriever for duck hunting.  He calls an add he saw in the back of an outdoor magazine for the "ultimate retriever".  After visiting the breeder, he brings home an 18 month old black lab named Chester.

Well, Chester has already been trained to retrieve according to the breeder, so Stanley decides to try him out.  They go to a local lake, Stanley throws out a retrieving dummy, and commands "Fetch" to Chester.  The dog runs toward the water, but instead of jumping in, runs across the top of the water, grabs the dummy, and runs back across the top of the water to drop the dummy in front of Stanley.

Stanley of course is amazed, and tries several more fetches, all with the same result.

So for a chance to show off his one of a kind dog, Stanley invites his cranky brother-in-law Bob to go duck hunting.  He figures, no way cranky old Bob can't be blown away by the dog.

So Bob & Stanley are in the duck blind early Saturday morning at first light.  Soon after a small flock of mallards starts comming in to the decoys, and they both stand up and fire, each dropping a duck.

Stanley smiles, and says "watch this".  He looks a Chester, and commands "fetch 'em up".  Chester does his thing of course, running on top of the water, grabbing the ducks in his mouth, and running back across the top of the water to drop the two ducks at Stanley's feet. 

Stanley, grinning ear to ear, says to Bob "notice anything different about my new dog?  Well, Bob stuffs a pinch of chew in his cheek, looks down at the dog, and then says to Stanley:

"Yeah, he can't swim, can he?"

[dartag]

You guys " Quack " me up...